Healthy living
Mind matters
Swallowing silence is bad medicine
Women who resist the urge to join in a marital argument may be damaging their health
Women who bite their tongue rather than arguing back during a marital spat are more likely to suffer from depression and irritable bowel syndrome (IBS) and may even die younger, according to a study published in the journal Psychosomatic Medicine.
In the first study of its kind, the US researchers looked at behaviour, heart disease and mortality in marital relationships. The team followed 3682 volunteers in their 40s and 50s over a 10-year period.
What they found was that those women who forced themselves to stay quiet in a marital argument were four times more likely to die than those who let their feelings be known. They were also more likely to suffer from IBS and mood disorders. The same link was not found in men.
Lead researcher Dr Elaine Eaker believes that women may have developed ‘self-silencing’ during a conflict as an evolutionary survival mechanism. Now, it could still be a necessity for women in abusive relationships.
"Women who keep quiet in a row have unresolved issues that can fester and grow," says Denise Knowles, a relationship counsellor at the charity Relate. "This is extremely unhealthy and can lead to a number of emotional and physical problems including depression, headaches, IBS and even heart disease. The best thing to do is tell your partner how you are feeling without meting out blame."
One of the main reasons that prolonged stress is so harmful to our health is because it triggers a flood of the hormone cortisol as part of the ‘fight or flight’ response. Small increases of cortisol provide a quick burst of energy, sharpen memory and lower sensitivity to pain. However it is unhealthy if levels of cortisol continue to rise, for example when arguments remain unresolved. Studies have shown that people with higher levels of the stress hormone also tend to eat more, which can lead to obesity and heart disease.
"Men and women argue in different ways," says Knowles. "Women tend to talk in emotional terms first, saying how they feel before explaining what is really upsetting them. Research has shown it is best to resolve a argument with a male partner by explaining the problem first and then saying how it makes you feel."
On the plus side marriage seems to be good for men’s health. Husbands were almost 50 per cent less likely to die than their unmarried peers.
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Information on this site is for interest only and is not a substitute for professional medical advice. You should consult your own doctor about any specific health concerns.
