Dogs are causing chaos whenever a reader's stepfamily visits, but her husband doesn't want to upset his children. Anne Robinson weighs in.
When my stepchildren and step grandchildren visit us, they bring their large dogs, which chase each other around our small bungalow and garden – playing and fighting and generally being ignored by their owners.
This goes on the whole time they are here, running around my legs while I’m serving food, and I’m terrified of being knocked over. My husband agrees they are a nuisance but will not ban them in case it causes a rift. His children do not live far from us, so the dogs could be left at home.
My husband isn’t in the best of health and wants to see his family regularly, but they never invite us to their house, so I am at a loss as to what I can do. What is your advice?
I think I’d start by ruthlessly deciding how much to blame the rowdy dogs and how much you are not over-delighted to see either the dogs or their owners. These are not your blood relatives. If they were, you would, first, be thrilled about a visit from your grandchildren.
Second, be much more comfortable telling a son or daughter that they needed to take control of their dogs as both you and your husband worry about being knocked for six as they tear round your bungalow. You would also take a more realistic view about why they never invite you back to their house.
As it is you need to employ the diplomacy of an experienced conflict negotiator and settle for small changes. You can certainly say before the next visit that you are concerned that one of the dogs rushing around inside might send you or him flying. And maybe they could stay in the garden. Or perhaps the dogs could stay at home as home is quite nearby.
You should stress that their visits are very important to their father, but you genuinely worry as you get older about there being an unintentional accident. Another option is to just put your worry to them and simply ask if they can help. The result rather depends on whether they think they are lucky to have their father happy and cared for by you. Or if they already take the view that you are – at best – a complaining old witch.
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