4 simple questions you really should ask your partner before you retire

If you and your partner are coming up to retirement, you’ll hopefully be feeling excited about everything that’s in store. 

Whether you fancy travelling the world, taking up new hobbies or spending more time with your family, the next chapter could potentially be the most exciting yet. 

But exciting as it sounds, it doesn’t mean you can’t also be feeling anxious about how you’re going to navigate this new stage of life as a couple too. 

You’ll not only have to potentially adjust to living on a lower income, but you’ll also likely be spending a lot more time together - and if you haven’t yet given this much thought, well, now’s the time to start talking to avoid any potential surprises. 

Getting ahead of the game and using these questions as a jumping off point can kickstart the crucial communication needed, and make sure you enter this new phase of life aligned and excited about what’s coming. 

'When do you want to retire?’ 

One of the biggest topics to discuss with your partner is exactly when you plan to retire. Will you both do so at the same time or will one of you finish work first? 

You might be worried about the abrupt change from working life to retirement, whether that’s because of the change in lifestyle or adjusting to a lower income. 

To alleviate that you might consider phased retirement, where you continue to work but reduce your hours, which can make the transition easier.  

• Not ready for retirement? Working beyond State Pension age 

If you’re thinking of stopping work at the same time as your partner, phased retirement can also help avoid the sudden moment of being with each other 24/7, and give you time to adjust to this new rhythm.  

Alternatively, if you’re ready to leave your job, you can look at other ways to give your life a bit more structure, like voluntary work for an organisation that’s important to you. 

Dr Elena Touroni, Consultant Psychologist and Co-Founder of The Chelsea Psychology Clinic, says: “Retiring at the same time can be an exciting opportunity to reconnect, but it can also feel overwhelming as you adjust to being around each other constantly.  

“It’s important to establish a healthy balance between shared time and individual space. Developing a new routine that includes time for personal hobbies or social activities can help each of you maintain your sense of independence.” 

On the other hand, if one of you is likely to retire first, you’ll need to think about how that’s going to work and whether this could lead to resentment. 

Dr Touroni says: “The retired partner might feel they’ve lost their sense of purpose or become solely responsible for household tasks, while the working partner could experience frustration or guilt.  

“To navigate this, it’s essential to have open, honest conversations about how each of you feels.  

“Discuss what the transition means for both of you and make a conscious effort to share responsibilities at home in a way that feels fair.” 

Planning activities together, such as weekend outings and shared hobbies, can help maintain a sense of connection and reduce feelings of isolation. 

'Where do you want to live?’ 

Another important consideration is whether you’re going to stay in your current home or move. If this is something you’ve yet to discuss, you might discover you and your partner have very different views. 

Liam Gretton, Founder of Liam Gretton Estate Agents, says he often witnesses tension about this between couples: “Often, one partner may be more emotionally attached to the family home, while the other is focused on practicality, such as downsizing to reduce costs or maintenance.  

“This can lead to tension if one partner feels they are losing their ‘sense of home’ while the other sees it as a smart financial move.” 

He adds: “Another point of friction is where to live. One partner might want to be closer to family, while the other may envision an [eventual] retirement abroad or in a completely different setting.  

“This becomes even more complicated if including extended family, such as grandchildren, as they’re a major consideration.” 

The sooner you can start discussing your views, the easier it will be to reduce friction and find a middle ground that works for you both.  

It can also help to talk to other professionals, like financial planners and estate agents – not only will they help you both understand the available options, but their more pragmatic approach can also be useful when couples aren’t quite on the same page. 

That compromise can be crucial, says Gretton: “For example, instead of a complete downsize, consider finding a property that’s smaller but still feels like a ‘home’, or somewhere closer to family but in an area both partners like.” 

• The true cost of downsizing uncovered 

'How much money will we have in retirement?’ 

The amount of money you need in your retirement ultimately depends on how you want to spend it – and whether your partner agrees.  

You might like the idea of a big, overseas holiday once a year, but your partner might prefer to spend a holiday budget on trips nearer home if your income is reducing. 

Another bone of contention can be inheritances and how much financial support you offer your family – while one partner will want to enjoy the money they’ve saved, the other may want younger generations to benefit. 

Start having these conversations now and it’ll be easier to come up with a plan that works for you both. 

Whatever you agree, you’ll need to discuss how you’ll fund your plans, including when you’ll start using your pension, and how your savings and investments might provide an income.  

Think about what’s affordable and how this might change throughout your retirement - seeking help to model this may set you up for a better financial future. 

Holly Tomlinson, Financial Planner at wealth management firm Quilter, says: “As you near retirement, you may wish to reassess your attitude to risk and adjust your investments accordingly.  

“Seeking professional financial advice will support you in mitigating risk and developing a strong financial plan for retirement using tools such as cashflow forecasting.  

“By inputting your individual information with the help of an adviser, you’ll be able to see how much you are likely to need in different circumstances.” 

As well as seeking financial advice, you could work with a retirement coach or attend a pre-retirement course.  

This support can help you prepare for the transition from work to retirement and learn more about budgeting and financial management as your priorities and life focuses change. 

Courses start at under £100 but can jump to more than £1,000 if you’re working with a coach. 

'Should we prepare for care costs?’ 

There’s also the issue of later-life care to consider. As much as you might not want to think about it, one or both of you might need help in the future, whether that’s needing a carer to pop in a couple of times a day or moving into a care home.  

It’s important to discuss how you might fund this. Putting in place a plan of action now, and discussing it with all parties involved (such as your children), will prevent any disputes and worries in the future. 

Duncan Bailey, Partner and Head of Private Client & Charity at legal advisers Brabners Personal, says: “Creating a care plan starts with discussing preferences with family around receiving care at home or moving into a care home.’ 

He highlights how paying for said care is an important decision to make together, giving the example of potentially releasing equity in a home to increase income – however, this might not be the right move for every couple’s situation. 

These conversations are important to have with a partner, to discuss how such a move would affect future finances, and it’s best to seek financial advice together to fully understand the pros and cons before making any final decisions.